I’m usually up by six, then back to bed by seven, then up by seven-thirty. Sunday mornings I like to sleep in until nine.
JUNE 29, 2015
I’m usually up by six, then back to bed by seven, then up by seven-thirty. Sunday mornings I like to sleep in until nine.
Read the full piece at Splitsider.com — except you can’t, because Vulture bought Splitsider.com in August 2018 and shut down the Humor section.
I’m on the fiction board of Philadelphia Stories, a quarterly, and every once in a while a story comes in that I just really like. No offense to any of the other writers out there — I like the other material too, and I’ll mention those in the future.
“Waiting Room Fairies” is one of those stories where there isn’t a lot of explicit plot, or even character development, but the descriptions and details give you everything you need to finish the story in your mind. The restraint is powerful and almost musical in the way it describes a moment and projects a fuller story past the end of the page. You can read in the Summer 2014 issue of Philadelphia Stories or on their website.
Total number of great apes on Earth, worldwide: 500,000
Total number of humans on Earth, worldwide: 7,000,000,000
It’s math:
Total number of great apes on Earth, worldwide: 500,000
Total number of humans on Earth, worldwide: 7,000,000,000
The number of great apes worldwide is decreasing. Even if every ape in the world learned to speak and was interested in attacking us, we’d wipe them out in a day. The largest ape populations in American cities are perhaps twenty apes in a zoo, a mix of a few gorillas, four or five chimpanzees, and assorted smaller species.
Some people will find this comforting.
From the Dayton Herald News dated June 15, 1925.
Is “Planet of the Apes” complete fiction? Yes, what did you think I would say? Because it’s monkeys, not apes, that get the real attention. From the History is Fun blog, 2007:
Clarence Darrow put a talking monkey on the stand. That’s right. A little monkey was sworn in, sat down, and answered Darrow’s questions for a startling half hour.
From the Dayton Herald News dated June 15, 1925:
The drama of the Scopes matter continued to fascinate and stir the wonder of this small hamlet as a thirty pound African green monkey was called to the stand to answer questions from the defense attorney, the esteemed Clarence Darrow. A shocked crowd proceeded to hoot and holler until reprimanded by Judge John T. Raulston. Much to the amazement of all, the monkey spoke fluently and eloquently when questioned by Darrow. However, the greatest surprise of all came when the prosecution’s William Jennings Bryan rose to question the monkey. Under the harsh pressure of Bryan’s inquisition, the monkey broke down and admitted his answers were coached by Darrow adding, “I don’t believe I am related to any stinkin’ [sic] humans.” Judge Raulston dismissed the jury saying he, “needed to make sense of all this hurly burly.” The monkey was later seen at a local tavern. By most eye witnesses accounts he was visibly intoxicated.
Walt Maguire 